Thursday, February 16, 2012
Someone asked the question: "is not satisfying your spouse in bed a sin?" My answer to that question is: "Well, it could be. Here's some ideas that can shed some light on it: Honestly, whatever is not done with Gods love within you is not of God and sin. That doesn't mean that trivial things like eating breakfast have to 'be done with Gods love'. It just means having Gods love in your heart as you go about your day. So also living your married life with Gods love is also part of it all. So whether you sin or not really is a decision you, God and your spouse only know the answer to...
The big question is are we using sexuality to manipulate our spouses behavior? Well, this is NOT unconditional love - I can tell you that. Still, its not very easy to want to make love with your spouse after you haven't been treated right! In the Bible, it says to not deprive each other. This means sexually. Well, after a fight or disagreement, I suspect it would be a little hard for a woman to feel very romantic. Especially if its really true that women are turned on by how you treat them. For a man, the fight may be over and the feelings for sex could be just as strong. Men I believe however, are more turned on by sight. This makes a huge difference! So what is the answer? Manipulation or letting your feelings be trampled over? I think the answer is in the middle. Having the ability to forgive and let go can help give your spouse a chance to build up your feelings of love again. And sometimes you do have to have 'tough love'.
In Song of Solomon (in the Bible), Solomon (or the spouse) says 'not to awaken love'. And yet in another passage, not too far away, it says in other words that 'there I aroused you'. So this all seems contradictory, but really its not. Basically, we should be honest with our spouse and let them know if we have sexual feelings but if our approaches are not met with welcome, we should wait and let love grow. This is NOT the answer some are wanting to hear, but if we are to allow our marriage to grow, it is the right one. Self control is not always easy! On the other hand, if the spouse shows no grace and willingness to give unconditional love after the other has been trying, this could also destroy the marriage. So forgiveness and patience are needed on both sides. Without them, everything falls apart. And who can say with the complexity of it all if it is a 'sin' but God and the couple themselves. But for sure, it well could be!
PS: Thanks for your comments!
Posted by Albie at 8:16 PM